#I wish someone else wrote about the kind of Situation I’m in so I could just reblog that

[pixlokita]

Just wanna ask just to make sure

Are we allowed to share stuff about our own aus?

I rmemeber asking and you said no fur to bad experiences, so I’m asking again

And if so, would it be limited to just text stuff, or would we be allowed to share our art about said aus?

Hope this doesn’t come across as rude or annoying

Hmmmm tbh if I’ve stated it makes me uncomfortable before then I just appreciate avoiding it. I do follow other fnaf AUs and like learning about them but only if I’m the one finding them or asking about them or joining a server to learn more about them. Heck even checking my FYP let’s me genuinely find things I enjoy at my own pace ^^; but If my own blog keeps getting recommendations from other people’s AUs and info dumping without even asking before doing so then it feels like it’s not my own space :Tc it kinda sorta feels like it’s being used for self promoting their own stuff and I won’t even enjoy it because of that, it’s hard to explain it in English but honestly even if that’s not the intention it makes me uncomfortable nonetheless unfortunately.

[lightlycareless]

I’m curious, how would you think Naoya’s canonical first appearance would be like if he was married to Y/N during the events of the manga? I wonder if he’d still maintain his role as antagonist(maybe he’d turn ally?) or if he’d just be nonexistent because him and Y/N decide to leave Japan post shibuya(he can’t let y/n get caught up in that) XD

Hello anon!!!

Well, I actually wrote a little something detailing that hehe. Kind of. I hope it still answers your question :>

Also, because this is the perfect opportunity to do so, why not write something sad/angsty for a change. A "what would happen with Y/N and Naoya during Shibuya" :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) but somewhat taking into consideration the post above? Hmmm more at the end.

warnings: slight mentions of character death. mentions of pregnancy. angst. sad overall I believe. :') Naoya loves you and has done things differently than the jerk we all know of course. Or not? Also, I don't remember much of Shibuya anymore so forgive me if something is odd about it.

Happy reading!

I would say Naoya would quickly decide to get you out of danger. No questions about it; he doesn’t even consider otherwise. As soon as he hears what is going down he intends to send you far away in some remote safe house where he thinks you and the kids will be ok—perfectly tended for, as he’d always made sure.

You, on the other hand, aren’t too enthusiastic about leaving everything behind, simply because your family was right in the middle of the crisis! And of course they would be, always rushing to serve the noble cause, you were not surprised to learn that they were doing their best to prevent the situation from worsening.

But this was no ordinary task, that much obvious by a simple glance. And if not through that, then by the growing uneasiness settling in your heart. One that demanded you to stay… or at least remain attentive to what is to follow.

“But I don’t think that’s even necessa—”

“We’re not discussing this anymore, Y/N. You are leaving, and you’re doing so tomorrow first thing in the morning. I already made all the preparations, you just need to have the kids awake and ready.”

“I don’t want to leave my family.” You insist. “I shouldn’t! They—They need me. They’re putting their life on the line; I can’t just leave—”

“Our children need you more. I need you more.” Naoya frowns, frustrated that of all things you’ve decided to refute him on, this had to be the one. “As I said, I won’t discuss this with you anymore—you are leaving.”

“But Naoya—!”

You’ve only seen this firm side of him on scarce occasions; either when reprimanding your naïve kids when accidentally doing something that might hurt them, or when putting his family in place after saying… well, the things they normally did.

And since you obviously don’t like pushing him over the edge, having more than enough with the weight of being the heir of a prestigious clan, as well as all his work as a sorcerer, you tend to just go with what he wants.

But not this time around, you simply couldn’t act like there wasn’t something bothering you. Something looming over your mind, a frightening omen that involved someone directly involved with you.

It could be anyone. Either your family, or… Naoya.

Both chances you did not wish to take.

“…Please.” Naoya would quietly insist after seeing you grow silent, regretful of the domineering way he seemed to take over the conversation, for after all was said and done, he loved you more than anything else in this world and would rather die than hurt you.

He wasn’t happy about this arrangement, no, in fact he despised it.

Hated the fact that he had to be the one to come up with it in the first place—but after what he heard from Shibuya, alongside his father being summoned for support, it was nothing but clear that he needed to act.

“You’ll be stationed in a nice place. A quiet little village with a nice, ample house and access to a relaxing beach for you and the kids to spend time on.  Now, doesn’t that sound nice, mochi?”

Had it been literally any other occasion, you would have been ecstatic. Happy to have the opportunity to spend time with your family without worrying about anything, simply what you and your kids were to do next.

But it wasn’t meant to be this way, so much that even the kids were unusually calm about the so-called holiday. Having sensed their mother’s anxiety and preferring being by her side than thinking of having fun.

“And school? What about their friends?” You eventually ask, of course, one of the many ways to stall him.

“I don’t believe you will be away for long, but I arranged everything in the meantime. They will be homeschooled.” Naoya explains, you frown. “As for friends… I guess I can consider occasional visits. Though they’ll more likely make new ones over there.”

“…And you? Will you be… coming with us?” You know that wouldn’t be, assumed so either way. But still, you hoped he would surprise you otherwise.

“…You know I can’t.” Naoya responds, your heart sinks to your stomach.

“Why not? Your father is already there for support. Why do you have to go?” you scowl.

“I have to stay at the estate to oversee it while he’s gone.” He explains. “I wish I could go, or that you and our kids could stay but… it’s too dangerous. If anything happens at Shibuya and things decide to escalate, it’s only logical that the estate will become a target and I won’t risk it.”

You press your lips together, understanding his words, yet disappointed that it had to be that way. A part of you tried to accept them, let it go, for you knew exactly what you were getting into when you married him.

And the other…

“I can’t… I don’t feel comfortable being away while you and my family are in danger!”

“This is no different from any other mission I’ve gone to, or that your family has.” Naoya attempts to console you, but both knew that wasn’t the trutht. “What is it? What is it that has you like this?”

“…I…I don’t…I don’t know.” You begin slowly, hesitant to admit your thoughts in fear that they might become true. To painful to even consider it! “I just… have this awful feeling that something bad is going to happen soon.”

“Like what?”

“Please don’t make me say it.”

Naoya didn’t need more to understand, and such, leans closer to you, enough to wrap his arms around you and gently place a kiss on the top of your head.

“…Nothing will happen. I swear. I will contact you whenever possible so you’ll be at ease. And if there’s any change, I’ll let you know as well. I promise.”

“…Please?”

“Of course, princess.” He smirks, now kissing your cheek. “I wouldn’t even dream otherwise.”

“You haven’t called me that in a long time.” You silently admit; his words lift some of the burdening weight from your heart.

Not enough to free you, but enough for you to slightly jest at him.

“Well, our little Naomi kind of inherited it, didn’t she?”

“She’s well deserving of it. It fits her.”

“Technically you’re my princess, and she’s our little princess.”

“…I guess so, if you put it that way it kind of makes sense.”

Silence engulfs the two for a brief moment soon after, motivating Naoya to hug you even tighter.

“Everything will be fine, Y/N. It’s nothing but a situation that… got a little bit out of hand, but nothing I can’t handle. That’s all.

Just remember that my father is involved too. And…” as much as he hated admitting it, the old man was a very talented sorcerer. A good decision was made by considering him. “Gojo-kun is also there too, and everyone knows there’s no one stronger than him. As for your sister… well, she’s quite a force to be reckoned with too.”

“I never thought I’d come to hear you compliment them, ever!” You tease, he scoffs, slightly embarrassed.

“I just want to make you happy.” Naoya silently admits, placing his fingers underneath your chin and lifting your gaze to his. “You mean the world to me; I don’t know what I would do if you—if you… I can’t lose you. I can’t.”

“Then hurry up back home.” You pout, a tear sliding down cheek. “Please, for me. For the kids.”

“Promise me to always send me pictures of you and the kids. It’ll serve me as motivation as to why I even bother doing all this…” He frowns. “…And to let me know if you’re ok. You’ll be secured there with some of my men, but I still wish to hear it from you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. I’ll send you so many, you’ll ask me to stop!”

“Now, mochi, no need to say fallacies we know won’t happen.” He teases back, which you respond with a giggle before quieting down, the realization that his impending departure is near.

“May the gods bring you back safe to me.” You silently pray, pressing a kiss on his lips to seal your protection charm, the one you’ve previous on prior occasions and has always worked—or so you believed.

The same one you desperately hoped would work this time around as well, especially after beginning to hear the horrific loses Shibuya had brought along.

From the death of your beloved friend Nanami to Gojo’s unprecedented sealing, you remained on edge as you tried your best to keep constant communication with Naoya, trying to figure out if any of these happenings had affected him one way or the other, praying that nothing would befall him.

Eventually cursing yourself when realizing you had unknowingly called a bad presage into reality when Naoya one day, without previous warning, directly and sternly, sends you the following message:

“My father died in Shibuya. I am now clan leader.”

To congratulate him given the circumstances of his death felt out of place, if not incredibly imprudent—even if this was his biggest dream.

It just came to you so… unexpectedly, though some would say that incidences would occur in such conflict. Perhaps it was Naobito’s time to leave this earth.

And yet, another part of you decided to take this as a warning, a reminder that this was no common attack. Not if it was capable of claiming the life of someone so skillful as your father-in-law.

…

What did any of this mean for Naoya? Is he safe? Is he ok? Has he been injured? Where was he right now?

But most importantly, what is he going to do now that is Leader of the Zen’in clan?

Did this mean that you were finally able to return with him? After so many days of homesickness, would you be able to see your husband in person?

…

Or… or did this just made things even worse for your family, forced to remain away until things cooled down, because you were now a bigger target?

“It’s still not safe. With Gojo-kun’s sealing… the clans have been nothing but a mess; and apparently that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There seems to be a deeper plan unfolding in the background—We still don’t know what for, but I know for sure one thing: I wouldn’t dare endanger you.”

“…Ok. I understand” You dejectedly agree, forced to remain behind as you lonely mourn the death of your friends, or the unknown fate of one of them.

Well, at least your family was relatively safe. Your siblings sustained injuries, but nothing they wouldn’t be able to heal in due time. You could only wonder the stresses your father had to deal with now that the Gojo clan was rendered nonexistent… Was someone trying to nominate Satoru’s replacement?

…

You wished you could do more. Longed to not feel as useless as you did nowadays, more so since Naoya’s messages turned to be fewer and fewer as time passed…

But at least he still responded. Took a little bit of his time to let you know that he was fine. Busy, perhaps a partial lie, but ultimately alive.

Just a matter of days and you’ll be back in his arms, with your children, and the little bundle growing inside you. Where you belonged.

Unless… fate was to cruelly decide otherwise.

“Naoya, I… haven’t heard from you in quite a while. I just… hope you’re ok and not overworking yourself. Naomi, Naori, Naoko and Naoyuki miss you. Please let me know how everything is doing as soon as you can. I love you”

…

“I don’t want to bother you, nor distract you from your duties. But I’m very worried about you Naoya, you haven’t answered any of my messages or calls. And… and I can’t shake this feeling that something horrible happened. Please answer me, Naoya, I can’t take the thought of you mot—

Just let me know if you’re ok, please. I love you.”

…

“Please, just give me a sign that you’re alive. I beg you, Naoya. I can’t take this anymore. I feel so lonely without you. I always do, but today… today it feels worse. Please, if just a letter, you don’t even have to write a whole message. Just a dot or something. Anything!

Just… anything so I can know you’re fine. Alive. Please. I beg you”

…

“Please. Please. Please. Naoya, answer me. Please. We love you.”

…

…

“Please. For our baby. Please.”

…

…

…

“…Naoya?”

Obviously I wanted to make it tragic and say that Naoya died; but how did he die? By being in Shibuya? Maybe. Maki? That means he still would've been a jerk! akjgkags

Also, I believe he didn't tell Y/N that he wasn't actually clan leader because... I don't know, pride. It's what he wanted all his life, after all! Maybe he hoped to fix that before meeting up with you again, and that's how he died :) OOF

Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed this little "what if" piece. I still have another Shibuya-centric oneshot to write 😏 maybe that could add on to this one? Thankfully, the good things about these prompts is that they're not really connected to one another, they could all essentially be read individually hehe nice.

Now, thank you so much for sending in this ask; take care and hope to see you soon!!!

[vacantgodling]

author ask tag 💛

thanks for tagging me @mjjune 💛

What is the main lesson of your story?

i’ll answer all of these for my 3 main wips cuz i don’t wanna pick just one fhdjfjf

PARAMOUR… hm. it’s better to be yourself in a world that hates you than to conform to that world and lose yourself in the process, i think. community and relying on others also and trying to do everything alone only hurts yourself more. you need community in some way, it makes you stronger.

BTAF is actually very straightforward: you are allowed to make your own decisions and live your own life and not only should other people not make those decisions for you, you can’t make them for other people.

HWSTS is all about self acceptance. you know yourself better than anyone else and don’t let anyone try and take that from you. tm.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding?

in general i really enjoy fantasy and history and pretty much all of my wips combine elements of those two things.

i tend to take a historical vibe of some kind (paramour: french rococo, btaf is literally historical fiction and it takes place in europe 1800s, hwsts: mongolian steppe culture a la ghengis khan era which is like the 1100s? i believe) and then i mesh it with a fantasy element (paramour: steampunk and eldrich entities, btaf: werewolves and vampires, hwsts: general magic and witches). and then i add in a heap tone of commentary and sort of shape the narrative around those elements. (ie: in paramour: hya is himself irregardless of how others see him including in his gender presentation, so i made a complex system around how genders work in galere as well as based a religious minority sect on a perversion of those ideals; in btaf: the physiology of werewolves and vampires is literally shaped around the theme of prochoice, who gets a choice and who doesn’t and what that means for everyone involved; in hwsts: gender expression is khizzy’s entire arc, so having the gods in his world be genderless and being locked Into a gender due to culture so he can figure out his way around it are important to the story).

i don’t think i’ve ever sat down and wrote that out before so sorry for the ramble but yeah tbh i think this is how i build most of my wips lol.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, or help the reader grow as a person?

in general i’m not super interested in the idea of trying to teach anyone anything through my wips—if you get something from it, great! but for me, my wips are more about me exploring myself and how i feel about things. they’re all complex love letters and philosophical debates i have with myself that i just let other people read cuz i’m vain 🤪 however to go into more depth:

hya’s main goal in paramour is to have everyone leave him the fuck alone. yes, i am so fucking serious that is his goal HFJDHD. his entire life has been spent being a puppet on a million people’s strings and he’s just ready to cut all the cords and be left alone, however life (me) have other plans for him. hya is definitely an interesting character to me because he is somehow one of the Least curious mcs i have (he only does the plot because amon and aloe drag him through it if left to his own devices he would absolutely Not deal with any of this shit—but that speaks on the community thing i was talking about earlier. because hya cares about aloe and eventually amon he puts himself in uncomfortable situations at their behest because they ask it of him, even if he’d never say it like that). i think i really wanted to create a character with hya, that was purely of my own indulgence; of how i wish i could be as a person and sort of a manifestation of how i do internally feel when trying to deal with other people. and having someone purposefully want to get to know me (or hya) despite all of his faults, and realizing there is value in putting effort into relationships even if there isn’t a 1:1 return on them is probably also where i was going. also he’s hot. HDHDHD i also just made him to be eye candy im not even sorry.

sjaak’s goal is to be reunited with biscella and to pull a jay gatsby “you can repeat the past”—but just as gatsby learned there’s sometimes just no turning back time or picking up where things were left off. sjaak in general is a character chiseled out of his grief, and i think some part of me wanted to draw some attention to the part of my inner self that is plagued by the what ifs; what if i never broke up with them, or didn’t lose that relationship, or tried to do this and tried to do that. but in the most ass-backwards way ever, sjaak gains strength he didn’t know he had from his experiences and will (somehow LMAO???) overcome the grief and loss that he feels and accept his new reality and new normal. i think we all spend a lot of our early 20s especially just thinking about all the shit we did wrong or should’ve done differently and dwelling on the past doesn’t really.. change anything. so ig my goal with sjaak is to be a sort of, yes that experience traumatized you and has an affect on you, but you can still grow and see the things you have in life now that you wouldn’t have had otherwise. I SAY ALL OF THIS—but trust me btaf is not that straightforward and neither is sjaak’s arc like you gotta Squint to see it but i’m okay with that. cuz my other goal with his character is the very visceral ending 💛

khizzy is literally just my journey to accepting being a trans guy but make it a neglected elder brother who is at his fucking limit about it. similarly to sjaak and hya it definitely is speaking to some unhealed part of me who had to struggle a bit to find footing in accepting myself but with khizzy it’s more about learning to seek joy and being happy with oneself instead of the angst fests of the other two lol.

How many chapters is your story going to have?

paramour’s original outline had 27 chapters but becuase i am (technically) redoing it it may end up being like 30… ish?

i have no idea with btaf, it will have 20 acts though so… take of that what you will

same thing with hwsts i think it’ll probably be like 25-30 since that seems to be the sweet spot for me but i haven’t really planned anything out for it beyond chapter (1), the overall plot, and this language in it HDHDHD

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

all original 💛 honestly i dont know where i plan to post any of it cuz i haven’t gotten to the point where i *need* to think about it (aka nothing is close to done). i think i’d love if btaf was serialized just bc i would love to see people lose their minds about it in a play by play fashion. and serial stuff is kinda becoming the new thing and i can get behind it so. maybe that? idk. i’ll definitely be making physical copies for myself at the bare minimum tho

When did you start writing?

as a wee lad. my first oc i made when i was 3 and id been making characters for years and i always loved writing but i didnt start making like BIG projects until i was like 12?

Do you have any words of encouragement for fellow writers of writeblr? What other writers do you follow?

my biggest thing is write what you want to read. like literally don’t care about what anyone else wants to read because there IS an audience out there for you. what matters is that you enjoy your work, that you’re excited to think about it and read about it and work on it. your excitement is contagious so really bank on it. you’ll find your people, you just have to become your own people first. basically.

and i follow a lot of cool people so here’s a big ol list (and also do this too if u want no pressure!)

@multi-lefaiye @kudzucataclysm @void-botanist @ink-flavored @henrike-does-writing-sometimes @zeenimf @magic-is-something-we-create @galactic-mystics-writes @sarahlizziewrites @alexanderflowerbird @theskeletonprior @sergeantnarwhalwrites & anyone else who’d like to do this :3c

[bots-and-cons]

Hi, I would like to ask for a reader who sees Optimus, Bulkhead, and Rachet as a father figure and the reader tells them about this person they really really like. So basically how would Optimus, Bulkhead, and Ratchet react to hearing reader has a crush? (Can it be LGBTQIA+ friendly?) Thank you!! Love your work!

A/N: Aaaw, this is cute. (As an aroace person, I have a really bad grasp on how it is when you have a crush on someone, since the only “crushes” I have, are on fictional characters.) I wrote it gender-neutral as usual, otherwise I don’t really know what you’d mean by LGBTQIA+ friendly. You can interpret the gender of the reader and the crush however you want. Didn’t do Bulk, because I kinda ran out of steam after the Optimus one.  Also thank you for liking my writing, it means a lot to me :D

~Ratchet~

•Ratchet had noticed you had been acting a bit odd lately

•Texting someone a lot and laughing and smiling at seemingly every text you received back

•But somehow you also seem kind of anxious as of late, even though you also seemed really happy

•Ratchet doesn’t really know what to make of this, so when you ask him one day if he could hear you out, he’s relieved, because maybe you’ll finally tell him what’s going on

•So you sit down with him, making sure no one else is in hearing distance and you seem pretty secretive

•Ratchet asks what’s going on as you try to figure out how to tell him as you pace back and forth in front of him

•You finally stop pacing and just sigh, before telling him “I have a crush”

•”You have a what?” Ratchet asked, he didn’t really know what the word meant in that context

•”I like this one person in my class…” you muttered

•”I assume they’re the one you’ve been constantly exchanging messages with?”

•”Yes, and they’re great… I just don’t know what to do going forward”

•”What do you think you’d need to do?” Ratchet asks

•Ratchet is a bit hesitant on giving you any kind of advice, because cybertronian courting is probably a bit different from how humans do it, and he doesn’t want to get it wrong

•He’s like a father to you and while you’re not expecting much advice, you do still want some

•”I just… I want them to know I like them, but I don’t know how” you sighed.

•”I must admit, I’m really not very good at giving advice this topic”

•”Well, what did you do when you wanted to tell someone you liked them?” you asked

•”I have never really been the one to make the initial move, so it’s a bit hard to say”

•”So you have no advice for me?” you sighed.

•”If I were to give you some advice, do what you feel is right. You already have their contact information, so perhaps you should just ask them to do something you’d both enjoy?”

•You think about it for a moment, and decide that was actually a really good (and obvious) idea

•You thank him and ask if he’d like to help you formulate the text to your friend

•What Ratchet thought would be a good way to ask, was pretty much an essay and very formal, so you just decided to figure it out on your own

•Ratchet is of course very happy for you, and he wishes you all the best, encouraging you to be yourself

~Optimus Prime~

•One day you just come to Optimus, asking if you could talk with him

•There’s not really anyone else around, so you just sit on the couch and explain the situation to Optimus

•He nods and shows interest the whole time, but on the inside he’s like “Oh dear Primus, what?”

•Optimus isn’t particularly experienced with romantic relationships, so he doesn’t really know what kind of advice he can offer

•Also he thinks the cybertronian ways of dating and courtship may not apply here

•He was still kind of young when he became a Prime, and then the war started so he hasn’t really had time for longterm, serious relationships

•So Optimus is understandably a bit nervous, because he wants to get it right and not give you any bad advice

•”Do you think I should tell them that I like them?”

•”Yes, I think you should, life is too short to wait” Optimus says, glancing at Ratchet with a yearning look in his optics

•”How long have you waited?” you couldn’t resist asking as you followed Optimus’s gaze to Ratchet, realizing you weren’t the only one who was at a loss with liking someone

•”What do you mean?” Optimus asks, turning his optics back to you

•You don’t want to turn into a matchmaker or anything, but for god’s sake this big mech doesn’t even know how he’s feeling

•To you it’s pretty obvious Optimus is deeply in love with Ratchet, but you’re also pretty sure neither of them know it

•”Anyway, I think you’re right. Life is too short to wait, and you never know what might happen”

•”I’m proud of you young one, and I hope your love is reciprocated” Optimus smiled a little, before his optics wandered back to Ratchet

•He’s not gonna be a single mech (dad) much longer if you have anything to say about it

•Optimus is honored that you would come to him with something so personal and something that requires a lot of trust

•Proud bot dad!

[herofics]

Friend taking advantage, feat Dabi

A/N: I think I’ve done some bad/toxic-ish friend stuff before which you can find here, but I’ve been feeling like this recently so I wanted to vent. I haven’t written for Dabi in a while so I picked him, also I kinda need his brand of jackass attitude for this. I wrote this as platonic but take it how you will

“Oh my fucking god!” you groaned loudly, throwing one of the pillows from the couch towards the kitchen entrance way.

“What the hell?” Dabi exclaimed as he caught the pillow and threw it back at you. “I almost spilled my damn drink”

“Sorry” you muttered, looking at your phone with an irritated expression.

“Who pissed in your cereal this morning? You look annoyed” Dabi noted as he sat down at the other end of the couch.

“It’s my bff, or at least she’s supposed to be”

“Is this the bitch who keeps askin you for money all the time?”

“Yeah, but I wish you wouldn’t call her that” you sighed

“What’d she do this time?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“After I moved here, she stayed in our hometown. She keeps guilting me about “leaving her” as if I did it just to leave her and not because I got into school here. It’s honestly driving me fucking insane” you threw your phone on the couch between you and Dabi.

“That sounds like a bitch move on her part, so I think callin her a bitch is justified” Dabi shrugged.

“And like, I go to my mom’s every now and then, which is like 45 minutes away from where she lives, and she still doesn’t come visit unless I pay her gas money. It’s like I have to buy her time if I even want to see her. Plus, the last time I was at my mom’s place, she was way more excited about seeing my mom’s new dog than about seeing me, even though we hadn’t seen each other in months” you huffed, leaning back on the couch.

“As I said, bitch move” Dabi burped

“Thanks for your support I guess” you rolled your eyes.

“You don’t need my support, you need to vent, and I’m listenin aren’t I?”

“Well yeah, but-”

“So keep talkin” Dabi cut you off.

“Fine. You know I’m bad at saying no to people, so pretty much every time she asks me for money, I give it to her, even if I’m not in a super good situation myself. She also kind of abuses that, because she knows I’ll pay for stuff so she’ll spend time with me. I feel like I’m pathetic, but she’s my only friend aside from you, and I don’t want to lose her. We’ve been friends for almost 18 years, so it’s hard to even think about letting go, even if it would be for my benefit”

“So basically, your friend is takin advantage of you, and you just plan on lettin her, even though you knew you shouldn’t?” Dabi groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m gonna get a headache from your idiocy”

“Are you calling me an idiot?” you asked, feigning offense

“No, but you’re bein dumb as hell right now” Dabi ruffled your hair, just to be annoying.

“Hey, don’t be an asshole” you protested with a smirk, trying to push his hand away.

“Ain’t that like a definin personality trait of mine though?” he asked, giving up on messing with your hair.

“Well yeah, but I wish you’d aim it at someone else” you rolled your eyes.

“There’s no one else around, so… or do you want me to go give your bff a piece of my mind?”

“No, it’s between me and her, so I think I need to be the one to talk to her” you sighed. “And I think if you talked to her, she might get on your nerves and end up a pile of ash”

“Eh, maybe” Dabi shrugged.

“Thanks for listening and only being a little bit of a jackass about it” you smiled.

“Well I’m mostly here for your drinks and to hide from the cops but-”

“And there’s that asshole of a villain I know” you cut him off and smacked the side of his thigh.

“I do have a reputation to uphold, you know” Dabi grinned.

You just rolled your eyes, but you were still smiling. He was a total asshole sometimes, but he could still be helpful too.

[midnightmajick]

Don't Know Why

Mike Schmidt x Reader

Warnings: Angsty fluff

Word count: 1,351 words

I wrote (some of) this to Don't Know Why by Norah Jones. I'll link it below so you can listen to it while you read.

Also, the situation where the reader asks someone out and is only told yes because the other person thought they were joking actually happened to me in high school. Fun, I know. Anyway, I wrote this beast of a one shot in less than three days somehow. Here you are, enjoy!

“Hey, what’d he say? When are you two going out?” Mike asks casually, but as he walks into your living room, he finds you bawling your eyes out. He immediately makes his way over to you, a concerned expression etched onto his face. “Hey, you alright?” You sniffle, eyes bloodshot and tearstained. It’s been a rough day.

“He doesn’t love me,” you sob, tears falling from your eyes. He walks closer to you, his face tinged with sadness and pity. He understands how you feel. Probably better than anyone else. He’s been through so much heartbreak. Every girl he’s loved has turned him down. You’ve always felt bad for him, but at least you aren’t alone. “I thought he said he’d go out with you!” Mike says, clearly confused. “He said yes cause he thought I was joking,” you respond, half wailing as you do so.

“But you weren’t!” he replies frustratedly. He seems just as annoyed as you are depressed, and you can’t help but wonder why he’s so upset. Yes, he cares about you, but his discontent is more extreme than you expected it to be. Maybe you’re just overthinking. You brush off the thought and answer despite it.

“That’s what I said! He just said that he didn’t like me like that and reiterated that he thought I was kidding. I feel so stupid. How could I have ever thought he’d love me? Maybe I’m unlovable Mike.” “Hey, don’t say that, you aren’t unlovable,” he reasons. Or at least he tries. It doesn’t work.

“But there’s nothing desireable about me!” He instantly but softly replies, “There are so many good things about you.” He’s trying to reassure you, but it just angers you further.

“Oh yeah? Like what? Name three reasons anyone would love me. You won’t be able to. I kno-” But you never get a chance to finish, because Mike cuts you off. “You’re brave, smart, and kind. You always manage to make people laugh. You don’t hesitate to help someone in need. You give 110% on everything.”

You pause. How did he come up with all of those things so quickly? You immediately fire back, saying, “So? Lots of people are like that. There’s nothing about me specifically that makes me stand out.”

Mike sighs, clearly frustrated that you don’t see the good in yourself. He takes a deep breath before responding, “That’s not true.” “Yes it is! You know it!” you shoot back at him. “No I don’t. Because you’re wrong.” Why does he have to argue with you when there’s no evidence of you being wrong? Sure he wants to spare your feelings, but you wish he’d just tell you the truth.

“Ughhhh! Why do you have to lie to me? Nobody loves me Mike! No matter how great you say I am, nobody wants to be with me.” you say, growing increasingly annoyed. “I’m sure that’s not the case. Trust me, you-” Mike tries to parry the barrage of attacks you make upon yourself, but you refuse to allow him to finish speaking.

“No! I’ll never find anyone who wants me.” You know he’s trying to help, but it’s starting to irk you how insistant he’s being. “Maybe you just haven’t-” he starts, but you cut him off again. “I should just call it quits. Maybe someday it’ll change, but like I said, nobody loves me. Not now!” You’re about to break down into tears before he yells, “That’s not true!”

There’s silence for a few moments before you decide to challenge his statement. “Oh really? Name one person that has feelings for me. One.” Mike looks down at the floor, suddenly appearing anxious. “I knew it. You just have to say it cause you-” you start to raise your voice, but before you finish your sentence, he states, “Me.”

“What?” You reply, completely shocked. “You heard me,” he asserts. “You?” He nods ashamedly. “Just please...” “Yes?” you ask. “Don’t hate me.” He’s begging you, his eyes pleading for acceptance.

“Hate you? Why would I hate you?” you ask him, puzzled. “I know you don’t like me, but-” “Who said I didn’t?” He freezes, astonished by your answer. “What? But I thought you liked Aaron.” “I do, but...” you admit, hinting at something else. “But?” he presses.

You inhale deeply before continuing, “But I only went after him because I was afraid to go after you.” “Wait what? Go after me? You... like me? But... Why were you afraid?” he asks. “Cause I don’t want to lose you. And even if things worked out and you ended up liking me back and we got together, what if we broke up? Then I would lose you.” Your worries spill out before you’re able to stop them. So much for not seeming like an anxious mess.

“You’ll never lose me,” he smiles softly. You’ve never seen him open up like this. His chocolate brown eyes are sincere as always, but they don’t look nearly as tired; the dark circles under them have almost vanished.

The way he looks at you is killing you. He’s never looked at you like that before. You don’t think you’ve seen him look at anyone like that before except for Abby. He wears a tender expression, one that lights up his face. His kind eyes, his sweet smile. Every single feature of his almost angelic being is brighter, happier. Because of you.

“Mike... You’ve never looked at me like that before.” The way his eyes gaze into yours is making you melt. “I was afraid you wouldn’t want me to, but now I know that’s not true. Is it?” You look down at the floor, embarrassed. He had you there.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t trying to pick on you. I just want to be sure it’s okay to show you how I feel, that’s all.” You smile slightly and nod. “That’s fine. I’d actually rather like that.” you avow.

“Would you now?” he smirks charmingly. “Yeah, I would.” Your eyes are half lidded as you answer flirtateously. He chuckles to himself quietly and takes a few steps toward you. His face glides toward yours, but right before his lips reach your own, he brings his mouth to your ear. He stops and speaks.

“Listen, I know he hurt you, but I swear on my life, I’d never do anything to harm you. Ever. I love you.” He pulls back from your ear and back towards your face. Bringing his fingers under your chin, he tilts it upward so you’re looking right into those big brown eyes of his. And then it happens. He kisses you. Your eyes flutter shut as his lips dance across yours. He gently cups your face in his hands, and as you’re locked in this loving embrace, it’s like time is frozen. Nothing matters right now. Nothing other than Mike and how good his kiss feels.

You feel all of the tension and stress exit your body, and you know now that this is meant to be. This was all supposed to happen. Aaron’s rejection. Mike finding you crying; comforting you. Finally telling you he loves you. It all makes sense now. None of this would be happening if Aaron hadn’t hurt you in the first place. All of this is racing through your head as Mike massages your lips with his own. After a few more seconds, he pulls away.

“I know why it happened.” you mutter. “What?” “I know why he had to hurt me. If he hadn’t, none of this would have happened.” You look up at him, awaiting his answer. “But why couldn’t he have just said no? He didn’t have to be so mean about it.” He’s still a bit upset about what happened to you, not to mention confused, but as he looks back down at you, his expression is soft and soulful. “I don’t know why. All I know that I love you. And now I know that you love me. That’s all I could ever ask for,” you reply lovingly. And then your lips meet once again.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi David! Thank you for your answer to the latest ask you got. I grew up in the church, am not queer but have many friends that are, and have been struggling with these questions for the past ten years maybe. Right now I feel like I’m staying so queer members won’t be alone. I had a temple interview with my branch president this Sunday, and I answered yes the question if I support doctrine that is contrary to the church’s teachings. My branch president was at least forthcoming enough to not immediately shut me down, and he didn’t see a reason for me not getting my temple recommendation, but I was still so discouraged by the conversation we had. He asked me if I had prayed about it (!!), and now I really wish I had asked “Have you?” There’s such unwillingness to learn or even entertain the idea that the church might be wrong about most of it’s teachings about LGTBQ+, and it makes me so heartbroken. The attitude also that queer people are some kind of weirdos “over there” doing their own thing instead of being here, with us, our friends and family, is also so prevailing and it drives me nuts. But if I can make someone feel loved and welcome I should probably stay, right? Also it is as you say: this is my religion, my faith. I don’t want to be driven away by ignorance.

I'm glad your Branch President asked some questions and determined you still qualify for a recommend. It's okay to have different understandings from the top leadership. That question was originally added as a way to root out polygamists who joined the LDS Church in order to go to the temple, and then once they had the temple ordinances they would go back to their polygamous community.

You have to decide if staying in church is beneficial for you. If you can make someone feel loved and welcome that may be enough for you, or maybe it's not enough. I put together my list to show there's multiple reasons, some more important and some less so, for why someone may stay in church.

My friend Cal Burke, a gay LDS college student, says some of the reasons he stays are "Community, friends, a sense of spiritual fulfillment, general happiness, I get to sing songs, I get to have strangers who look out for me (in a good way), I like talking about scriptures. I could go on but I like many things about Mormonism & think Mormonism is good in moderation"

I have something else from the chapter I wrote for that book I'd like to share with you that I hope helps as you think about the differences you have in belief from the church on LGBTQ topics:

"It’s interesting that the Church has rules and policies and doctrines about queer people without revelation or scripture to base them on. Where is the revelation to oppose same-gender marriages? When did they get a revelation that gay people shouldn’t have companionship and love? Where’s the revelation that God doesn’t want me to fall in love with another man? Where’s the revelation that God doesn’t want someone to express their gender identity? Maybe the answer is that the Church does not have revelations about individual situations, but that is our job."

[phoenixwrites]

I looked into some of their posts because I wanted to see the full info on both sides. I wanted to reach out to say they are really just something else. First, please know they are searching deep into your blog for your selfies and info that they can find, while who find one DID color over your face .... it's uncomfortable the territory they are on the fencing of. Stay safe. Second, I had a good cry as a csa and in general survivor too, because this is appalling, it's so freaking horrifying how YOU could be considered the same realm... they reblogged a PSA about someone else in ST fandom who writes genuine CSA like 6 year old x 20 year old Eddie, 12 year old x grown ass Steve and Billy, so on and not even all ST, but all is smut. A commenter was saying that they were going to write smut about a 12 month old. I wish I was joking or being dramatic. The someone claims they are writing it for their own trauma, but it really does not read from the screenshots of fic as such (vs how your posts seem missing context) I feel sick from seeing THAT callout post contents, THAT chilled me. I don't fucking know how you could be considered of the same cut like that kind of person ??? All over older Erica x Dustin ??? Like WHY deliberately take your asks and responses out of context, why are you evil for thinking about the characters grown, nothing to do with the actors? Yet they write self insert smut about teenaged Billy, Steve, so on. Include gifs of showering Billy. They seem hellbent on focusing on everything else, or maybe a personal projecting since they can't separate actor from character almost. Hell, even the camp counsellor Eddie x younger camper Chrissy fic they were blasting you for reading is different than freaking that someone's fics. This entire thing reads like a personal vendetta finding any morsel and making into some abomination. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this bullshit. Protect your peace and yourself from this insanity. Lots of love to you. This is long as crap so you don't have publish it, but I just felt like you deserved to know what was being said and compared.

Hi there! Thanks for your message. Seriously, guys, the support has been amazing and I can’t express how much I appreciate it.

I nosed through last night for a little bit but I think the benefit of my social media being very open over the years is…there’s not really much to find. I am far more boring than antis believe. Even my Erica fics will be particularly disappointing to those who are looking for ThoughtCrime—they are probably the tamest thing I’ve ever written. I will try to implement measures in case someone doxxes me or something.

I’m so sorry for you. I’m so sorry that you’re in this shitty club with me. I would not wish the flashbacks, the dehumanization, the guilt, the shame, the triggers, or the nightmares on anyone. The accusations they make about me are genuinely nauseating.

I’m not familiar with the other writer’s callout post you mentioned, but even if they are writing disturbing dead doves—we don’t know them. We don’t know why they wrote it, I don’t know their situation, I don’t know their reasoning, hell, it might all be out of spite. But I don’t want to “ugh look at this OTHER writer writing this gross stuff, YOU could NEVER be considered one of THEM”, you know?

I am not going to condemn a dead dove writer just because that is something I would never read. It’s words on a page. No one is harmed. As viscerally chilling and disturbing those plots are, they exist in the author’s brain. I don’t know WHY they exist in the author’s brain, if they’re processing their own shit or genuinely trying to titillate. I don’t really want to know either way. Either way is triggering to me. Either way, that is content that would make me throw up and I would avoid.

So I do the fucking ADULT thing and block those fics. Or ignore them. Ignoring them is a great tactic. Because I don’t know the author’s story and I would never try and assume that I do. I protect my own peace.

Another example. I have a weird trigger. It’s a trigger that is innocuous and harmless to most people. Some people really love the trigger. But I cannot abide it. I start having flashbacks. Anxiety attacks. Even just by SEEING this piece of media. And I feel a ton of shame for it because I blame myself, when actually it was my abuser’s fault. Not me. Not you. Never the victim. Ever.

But I do not expect tumblr to CATER to my trigger. I have this piece of media blocked on every social media site. I intentionally avoid it. My brother has even refused to accompany his friends on a Disneyworld trip because they were cosplaying as the Trigger and he didn’t want to trigger me. My community knows of it and they try very hard to use spoiler tags or ask others to spoiler it so I don’t interact with it. If I come on it accidentally (happened a lot during Philly, many breathing exercises were done and I had to step out a few times from the Artist’s Alley)

This is all MY responsibility. Not Tumblr’s. I cannot demand that every fic writer who writes about the Piece of Media that is a Trigger take it down for my own comfort, just because I am rightly and justly disturbed by it.

Oh, it is DEFINITELY a personal vendetta. Comes with the territory of any outspoken woman in fandom.

Your guys’ support means everything to me. And to all writers.

I’m sorry if this came off preachy or lecturing, I didn’t mean it that way. I just really, REALLY do not want people taking the mentality of “Phoenix isn’t writing this shit, but OTHER writers are, so let’s go harass them!” No.

Leave the dead dove writers alone. Leave all writers alone. If you do not like something, don’t read it, block the author, mute the tag, do whatever you can to protect your peace.

[taehyungfirst]

honestly i kind of wish both taehyung and jungkook's solos were more personal. don't get wrong, i loved layover and i'm sure golden will be fun. and i bet they both added in their own personal details in regards to the albums, but it would've been nice to see their names on the song credits. and this isn't me trying to be shady or anything because just because they weren't involved in the process, it doesn't make them any less of real musicians. it's just a personal preference i guess. but i think taehyung and jungkook are extreme perfectionists when it comes to this and we know they have a habit of deleting the songs they work on. this is shown through tae scrapping his original album, and bang pd saying jungkook was considering not doing an album at all. i think that both of them probably felt pressured to put something out before they enlist, and since everyone else was doing it too. and with enlistment, they only had a limited time to do this. and i know they've talked about making mixtapes in the past but that's different than a whole album. basically i don't blame them for how things happened but i really hope we'll get more personal things from them eventually

Hi anon! First of all, I wanna start saying that having expectations is not a bad thing, and it’s completely valid if you expected them to have some credits in the tracks, since they have shown in the past how good they are at songwriting. Now, let’s get into what i think, I’m gonna start with Taehyung because I just know more stuff about him ahaha.

Taehyung songwriting skills are actually brilliant, I always loved the snippets he showed us and some of his lyrics were actually incredible (the heart of the loveless lyrics is printed behind my eyelids), Blue and Grey which was initially a personal song debuted at #13 on the hot100, a b-side mind you. And Taehyung has always been honest to us, he updated us every time he wrote a song, every time he deleted one, every time he worked a lot, he has always told us everything and he also told us how he was “unable” to finish a song, he just starts it and then never finishes it which is why he scraped a lot of his work before, so I think he was just a bit unsure and the he confronted Mhj, who was someone who could share his vision.

Now.

There is a difference I think between having someone writing songs for you, for your vision, for the vibe you want in the album and someone who gives you pre-made songs that apparently don’t connect to eo (i’m saying this for the presence of 3D and seven, which are like sore thumbs between those angsty titles), I have no doubts Jungkook will say he listened to the songs and felt like he had to sing them because he liked them (which is okay i guess, most of artists don’t write their stuff), but if the credits were not visible, if Layover hid the credits, I would have believed 100% Tae wrote all of them, because every single track is so taehyung, Mhj listened and studied him to create perfect tracks.

And Jk also opened up on how he was in a burnout period, which is also why he relaxed at home mostly and took a break from everything (which is valid i repeat) and honestly I think that all of this is happening because of the enlistment. Because Taehyung said after Layover he wants to release his songs, so this means that if enlistment wasn’t literally behind the corner he would have had more time and worked on his own songs, same goes for Jungkook. The enlistment had a big BIG part in all of this, I think they felt pressured and they thought they couldn’t enlist without releasing something for the fans (which is not a very healthy mindset, you’ve been working hard for 10 years, you can enlist without dropping a whole album or taking trips every two weeks to film something for the fandom)… well all of this can be summarized in: I think there are differences between Tae and Jk situations (which is also their goals with Jk wanting to become a pop star in the usa market), that yes time and enlistment are partially the reasons behind everything and that they will for sure release some stuff more personal whenever they get the chance again because they are both incredibly talented artists :)

Sorry for the rambling and typos I can’t seem to find my glasses tonight.

[orionchildofhades]

BNHA ff rec

Guidance, or to Help Those In Need - orionchildofhades

ao3 link

rating: Mature | warning: Graphic Depiction of Violence

tags : traitor Izuku, villain Izuku, Support Department Izuku, Protective League of Villain,

statue: finished | part of a series

Summary :

"Meeting your idols is always a disappointment. Understanding that the people we look up to the most don’t wish for our happiness, chose to turn a blind eye on our situation. Must be painful. I’m sorry you had to go through all of this. But you see… I wouldn’t say you’re worthless. This is far from worthless if you ask me. I’d like you to think about some things. You say you’re invisible, rejected. And I wouldn’t put it past society to actually make you feel like that. But you’re not. This is a golden mine, a diamond in the rough. People just won’t recognize your talent because of who you are. Or what you’re not." — The tale of how Midoriya Izuku, whose only dream was to be a hero, ended up a villain. Who said that a 'villain' couldn't help? Most people usually forget who requires help. And Izuku will be a hero to them, because no one else will.

chapter one: it goes bad

 The day started pretty normally, as anything could when you were quirkless in a world where everybody had some sort of power.

Izuku went to school. He knew what he was getting into. The stares, the name calling. Having Kacchan telling he should jump off the roof was a new addition that the teen had been trying out for a few days now and he got really creative about it. Ending up in the pound with his notebook by his side was not very nice but all he did was stand and keep on with his day. What else was there to do?

So Izuku walked home. He took the long road, just to be sure he didn’t meet any of the bullies. From time to time they would actively seek him out to punch and kick the energy out. What could Izuku do anyway ? Once he was alone with them, he didn’t have the strength to stand up on his own.

Standing up for others though, that was nice. When he faced Kacchan, his body like a wall between the explosive boy and his new found victim, some form of pride shone in his chest, warming him up a little bit, a different kind of warmth that the hands of the boy he called a friend for a long time.

Izuku liked to help others. It was his one true goal. Everytime he looked at his computer, at his hero, his idol, and saw All Might’s smile to the camera, he felt some sort of envy. He, too, wanted to make people happy, to bring them safety, hope. So even if he had to face Kacchan’s wrath, and the punches, the burns, the hits and kicks, he would do it. Because the other kid was safe, because it was better him than someone else. Maybe, one day, someone would see him the same way he saw All Might. Okay, that was a little far fetched, he wasn’t anything like All Might. But maybe someone would be reassured he suddenly put himself between them and harm, maybe he would bring someone a flicker of hope.

That’s what he thought while he walked in some alley, alone and fidgeting with his notebook. He looked over what he wrote in the morning, about the fight and the new heroes.

Mt. Lady and her growing quirk, Kamui Wood and, well, his wood quirk. He added some notes in the margin about a detail. The new heroes seemed very keen to the media, a little bit too focused on their image. And was Kamui Wood capable of creating any kind of wood? Any density? Could he make ebony wood? It would be far more heavy and perhaps harder to break, more efficient against villains. Or not, if he couldn’t, Izuku wondered what kind of wood he could make, was it a special kind, since it was a quirk? Maybe a weird human-wood kind of thing since he seemed to be made of it.  A unique form of wood, known and created only by the power of the hero. How flammable was it? How would the hero react if he encountered…

Completely unaware of his surroundings, Izuku was knocked over by someone. He immediately scrambled up, trying to fetch his notebook and pencil while bowing to apologies.

Instead, his eyes met with some creature, a mutant type very likely, and immediately after his mouth was filled.

His eyes watered, he tasted sewage water and trash and throwing up sounded like a great idea all of the sudden but his mouth was full and he started choking as the thing, person, something filled his airway little by little.

He was barely aware of hearing a voice, a muted “Thank you, you’re my hero, I didn’t know he was in town.”

Panic clouded his mind. After everything he went through on an everyday basis, after all the pain and insults, all the loneliness and disgust, he would die like this. He couldn’t even breathe. His head hurt, and his vision darkened.

And maybe that was really it.

Then he vaguely felt knocked over once again. He breathed. Or he thought he did. He hoped he still remembered how to. He wanted to cough, to spit out everything, to have his throat to himself again. Was it still there?

A voice was talking.

It became clearer and clearer, the black spots stopped dancing in front of him.

He was on the floor, lying on the street he didn’t remember exactly where, his bag was somewhere on his left, his notebook near him with the pencil inside. His throat hurt and he was a little out of breath.

And All Might was staring at him from his incredible high, wearing his famous costume and…

All Might.

Staring at him.

Izuku jumped up, almost falling right back down and somehow managing to stay on his feet.

“Oh my god, All Might, I’m such-”

“Ah, yes. Glad to know you’re alright. I thought I lost you here for a second. I must go.”

Wait- no. Izuku had to ask him. He needed to know. It was All Might, he would tell him the truth. If anyone would believe in him, it would be the Number One hero, the symbol of peace. If anyone knew the hardships of hero life, but what made a true hero, it would be him.

“Wait, please, All Might, sir.” He took his notebook off the ground, not caring a second about the pages still wet from earlier before shoving it as high as he could need the hero. “I need to know sir…”

“Ah, yes,” he took the notebook and the pencil, signing it with practiced motions before closing it and giving it back to Izuku. “Now I must leave, young boy. Stay careful and fear not, for I Am Here.”

The hero turned to leave. Izuku’s eyes darted between his idol and his bag. A plastic bottle was dangling from the pocket of the hero, murderous eyes moving inside it. But Izuku didn’t pay it any attention and went for his bag, grabbing it as quickly as he could. He then literally jumped on his idol, holding on for dear life on his leg as the floor went from right beneath his feet, to hundreds of meters under him. The wind was slapping his face, his eyes painful. He heard All Might complain, asking him to let go of him. He vaguely answered that it wouldn’t be a good idea while his mind circled around one thought. Or perhaps two.

The floor was way too far from him and he would very much like to feel its safety very very soon.

And he needed to know.

Could he be a hero?

His one and only dream filled his head, his desire to prove himself, to help, to see people’s eyes clouded by hope instead of fear, of pain. Sure, Kacchan, (and also the rest of the world), told him he couldn’t do it. It was a stupid dream, a useless deku like him couldn’t do much to anything, so being a hero was nothing but laughable. Or pitiful. He could still see it in his mother’s eyes whenever he rambled about it. But if anyone would know, it would be All Might.

Because he was a hero. The hero. He should know better than Kacchan, than Mom, than Ito, or his teachers, than the other students. If Izuku had the slightest chance of ever being a hero, All Might would know.

They landed on a rooftop. Izuku felt so weak he almost fell right on his knee. He still kind of wanted to throw up from whatever slime person slash villain tried to make a house in his lungs. And this impromptu flight surely did not help.

Instead of that, he bowed. He stamered an apology, realizing how stupid his decision had been.

But he had to know.

“I’m- I don’t have a quirk, but I always wanted to help… People keep telling me to give up and… Do you think I can be a hero?” He finally screamed, eyes screwed shut and heart beating in his chest like it wanted to leave.

He stood up straight again, his question right on his lips. Instead, he screamed.

Here was a man, an actual skeleton, his eyes hollowed and a far too large shirt hanging from bony shoulders. Blood was dripping from the corner of his mouth. It was honestly quite concerning.

“Where is All Might? And who are you?” Izuku asked. A cold sensation washed over him. His idol didn’t even bother listening to him.

And who was this man? Was it his quirk that made him look so sickly? Was he okay? Perhaps Izuku should call an ambulance, maybe it was some sort of cancer or the effect of a quirk. Dehydration…

“That would be me.” Izuku’s thoughts shut down. “I know this is quite confusing. I’m All Might, symbol of peace and justice, number one hero and, well this.”

“What happened to you?” This was very much not what he saw of All Might everyday. Maybe this was just some sort of joke. Kacchan really outdid himself if it was the case, what a cruel joke, to meet your idol, or a fake, to just end up with… this?

“Five years ago, I fought a villain.” The man lifted his shirt and Izuku saw a painful looking scar cover the left side of the chest.

“Was it Venomous Chainsaw?” Izuku wondered out loud. Dread filled his entire body. Who, no scratch that, what could be strong enough to do that to All Might?

“No, hum, I managed to keep the media out of it, and out of the injury until now. But it became more and more serious and I slowly turned into this.” He vaguely gestured to all of himself. “I can only stay in my muscle form, and do my hero work, around three hours a day anymore.” The silence was heavy, All Might gently touched his wound as Izuku was panicking in his head. Why would the hero even say that to him, did he put him in danger, was it…

“Without a quirk… Being a hero is hard, you put the lives of others on your shoulders. You have to fight off evils of all kinds, you put yourself between others and harm-ways. Without a quirk… No, I cannot tell you you’d have a chance of being a hero,” His voice rang in Izuku’s ears.

He vaguely saw the hero stand up, listing a few other possibilities for a person such as him.

But all he could hear were the words ‘No, you can’t be a hero’

All Might didn’t think he could be a hero. Even with the best intention, Izuku’s quirklessness was too much to overcome. He was weak and couldn’t help anyone.

It was just like Kacchan said, like the other said. He couldn’t do anything. There was no way civilians could rely on him. He couldn’t help them.

At some point, All Might left.

Why would he stay, he already did more than his job. He saved Izuku, poor little Izuku who couldn’t even save himself. He brought him here, answered his questions. He might have shattered his dreams but hey, that was just life wasn’t it. It had never been quite on his side since the beginning. Being born quirkless was not fun. Being born quirkless in a world where everyone had powers was even less so. So if All Might, The Hero, thought he couldn’t be a hero, then it must mean he didn’t.

Tears fell down his face. He felt rather hollow. He had been filled his entire life by this dream. What was he without it? He wasn’t strong, he didn’t have a power to use to balance his weakness. People did not like him. Not even his mother believed in his dream. What could he possibly do now?

Sitting lamely on the roof, his backpack abandoned by his side, Izuku emptied his tears, all the water in his body coming out in heavy salty streaks down his cheeks.

When he felt like he did not have one single tear left in his body, he decided to stand up. Going home. Yes. What else could he do?

As he walked to the door, his vision darkened and he felt himself fall.

[rosecgregory-author]

Do you ever wish your favourite novel had a different ending? That’s what my friend wanted. She wanted Jo March and Laurie Laurence to end up together.

For her birthday, I wrote her a fanfic. People poo-poo on fanfics, but I love them. I love writing them most of all! When I write them, I’m doing them for other people too. Not just my own personal gratification.

Should Jo and Laurie have ended up together?

If Little Women was the only book, I would unequivocally say “Absolutely!”

But then there were other books that followed that built a world that was just as wonderful. Little Men and Jo’s boys were enchanting for me, and Professor Bhaer played an important role in their little school.

As a writer, I understand Louisa May Alcott’s position. She was ahead of her time. She did not believe that marriage was the end all and be all for a woman, ergo, her independent heroine. “I won’t marry Jo to Laurie to please anyone,” she had written to a friend.

Where fanfics are to please one’s readers to some degree (fulfill some sort of fantasy), a novel is, truly, to please one’s self in order to be the author’s real voice. I suppose there’s more commercially-minded writers out there, but they still try to maintain control of their story. They want it, end of the day, to be THEIR story. Not anybody else’s. I suppose, the more people asked, the more Louisa dug her heels to the ground.

For that, I respect her.

But nonetheless, I wrote that fanfic where Laurie and Jo end up together.

…

Jo wrapped her cloak around her to ward off the chill of the late September air. She was rejected yet again by another publisher, but she decided to push herself to do another round with another story. As she trudged through the muddy streets of New York City, she thought about Professor Bhaer and wondered how he was doing. She had seen him, once, after Beth had passed. Her heartache over the loss of her dear sister kept her heart closed to whatever Professor Bhaer’s sad eyes and yearning looks were offering.

He is better off out West. Frank and Emil will keep him company, she reassured herself. Though time has made her realize that whatever feelings she had for the professor were not based on a solid foundation, she still felt pangs of melancholy thinking about the prospect of her life as a spinster.

Beth was gone. Meg had John. Amy was engaged to Laurie. Jo was destined to be alone. Alone and unsuccessful.

After Beth’s demise, Jo returned to the city and found another boarding house to stay in. Though this was near Mrs. Kirke’s own boarding house, Jo could no longer return to her old position; she had stayed too long in Massachusetts. Her new home was owned by a kind lady named Mrs. Needham. Unlike her previous situation, Jo no longer had a governess job to rely on. She needed to make her writing career work. Very soon, she would have to resume writing her romance stories, if only to pay for her expenses.

“Were you successful today, dearie?” Mrs. Needham looked up from her embroidery; her corpulent figure sat in comfort in an armchair by the foyer.

“Unfortunately not. ‘The Adventures of Captain Apollo’ will need to wait another day,” Jo reported regretfully. “I have other stories that are more promising; I can submit them to publishers I had some success with previously. You will get your rent.”

“Oh, I’m not worried,” Mrs. Needham assured her. “You are a very talented young writer. Someone is bound to notice that sooner or later!”

“I hope so,” Jo sighed. She settled herself beside Mrs. Needham and looked at her ink-stained fingers. “I mean to write a letter to Marmee tonight. I was hoping to give her some good news.”

At those words, Mrs. Needham suddenly put down her embroidery and collected an envelope from the table beside her. “I almost forgot. Here’s a letter from Massachusetts.”

Jo greedily took the letter and excused herself. “You know how I look forward to getting news from home!”

Mrs. Needham waved her away with an understanding look. “Go ahead, dear.”

Ensconced in the privacy of her bedroom, she made quick work of opening the letter. She sat on her bed facing the window, grateful that there was still some light left for her to fully appreciate each and every word. She recognized Meg’s flowing scrawl.

Dear Jo,

I hope you are feeding yourself properly there! We are all well. Marmee has taken on a project at the town hall — of course. She is not our Marmee if she has not made herself busy and useful somehow.

As I write this, little Daisy is beside me insisting that I tell you she loves you and that she has a pretty pink ribbon. Demi is here as well and wants to ensure you know that he knows his ABC’s. Please ensure you congratulate them both properly in your next letter home.

I write today because I have some news — news that I am unsure you would hear of directly from the concerned parties. It seems that our dear Amy has broken off her engagement to Laurie! I do not know how Aunt March or Mr. Laurence had received the news of the broken engagement. Aunt March, I believe, would have been very disappointed. Amy wrote that she believed neither of them entered the engagement with the right intention — she was sad and he was eager to be useful and to show his grandfather how responsible he was. Regardless, it is now completely over, or so Amy says.

Laurie is quite bereft, apparently, and had taken a boat back to America. Mr. Laurence had thought it appropriate to assign him to another office where the source of his despondency can at least be farther away. Amy and Aunt March will stay in France a while longer.

What an unmitigated disaster! I wonder if this should change our relationship with Mr. Laurence, who has been the most excellent neighbor and benefactor.

I do not know if this news should distress you. You seemed happy enough and content enough when you learned of their engagement. Write back of your feelings since I wish to know if you received this news well.

We give you our love!

Meg

Jo dropped the letter on her bed and stared at the window dumbfounded. This was unexpected! She had been quite content to think of Amy and Teddy together in wedded bliss. In some ways, it was a very suitable match. Teddy needed someone who would be presentable and would know how to properly conduct themselves in his social sphere. Amy needed the security and comfort wealth provided, and she would have delighted in the status a marriage with Teddy would have given her.

Jo sighed. Perhaps it was just as well that Amy realized this; before it could have gotten any further.

She thought of poor Teddy. To be spurned by two March women! He did not deserve such treatment from them. She loved Teddy, but he was too much like a boy when he had expressed his desire to marry her. She had preferred someone more like Professor Bhaer — he had the gravitas that appealed to her.

She did miss him, however. There were nights she dreamt of his open boyish face as they raced together across a meadow, or when they threw snowballs at each other. He reminded her of a happier time — a time when Beth was still alive.

…

If you’re interested in reading the next parts, let me know!

[sneakyswag]

Mwahahah your turn!

🧠🌂🔥

GAHH long post jumpscare

🧠- What fictional character do you relate to the most?

I think I’ve done a similar one to this one before, but in a different ask game. For the fun of it, I’ll probably have to say X or Axl.

X stresses so bad it’s exhausting. Kind of like me. I’ve been struggling with that lately. As well as body aches caused by stress (gah my shoulders qwq). But pushing those worries away, I’ve gone through loads of emotional turmoil. So much so that it’s made me bitter in a way. Sure, I’m kind and polite, but I never open up. Sure, in some asks I do, such as this one, because it’s a good question. But in real life? No. You will see me in a corner, arms crossed, smiling at the people having fun, but never actually interacting.

Axl, because he’s silly as frick and has bad timing with jokes. Likes guns and is the life of the party (depends on who I’m with). Axl is also a pretty good friend despite being a goofball. You’d think because he’s young he’d be immature, which he is sometimes, but other times he’s very mature and deals with situations accordingly. I do say that our difference is that he leads and thinks with emotion. I only do that when writing.

Also someone else, @bruggle ‘s Brook. No way like when I wrote fics with her in them, I was like “holy crap she is so me” and wrote her based off of experiences I myself had. Bruggle actually told me I wrote her well, which I thank Brugs for. Though I might be projecting juuust a little bit. Brook is so so angry and bitter it makes my head spin, but she can also be so so funny and silly at the same time. She’s a good friend and a good person, just angry at the world for what it did to her (come on, we’ve all been there). Anyways wow this is a stretch I’m so sorry- BAHAH

🌂- You have to choose three fiction characters to help you survive in the apocalypse, who are you picking? (I could write an essay over this one)

Ah, geez. I’m terrible at this. Zero from Mega Man X. He’s tactical, smart, strong, precise, will probably help out a lot if it means we all make it out. Only bad point is, he’s reckless. Even so, he’s strong as frick and also, Reploid! So even stronger than your average fighter.

Ralsei from Deltarune. With his powers, he can mend and also help Zero with his injuries from time to time. Ralsei has all kinds of powers that would be useful and his attitude would be perfect to maintain that optimistic attitude within the team. He can also be a good distraction!

And last, but not least, Jigglypuff from Pokémon. Do I even have to explain this one? Jigglypuff can get super tough enemies out of the way by singing his sleepy song and boom! They’re out. Also a good idea for sleepless nights we might have. So

Zero is the fighter, Ralsei is the mage/optimist, Jigglypuff is the ultimate distraction. Ralsei is also like super responsible so he’d probably have a lot of supplies on him. Zero has his weapons on him and will make sure none of us get hurt. Jigglypuff is that little ball of joy the group definitely needs. So yeah. My take.

🔥- Name a crackship, now convince me why it would work!

Ahah…ah, man. Alright so, I wrote for this ship months ago and when you said crack ship, my mind immediately went back to Samus and X. HEAR ME OUT-

I was playing Smash with a couple of friends and one of ‘em was drooling over Samus (no surprise there) and started making jokes about me getting my butt kicked by Samus (I main Mega Man) and made a couple of jokes. Another one of my friends, brought up the fact that Zero was in Smash as an assist and how he wished X was in as an echo for classic Mega Man.

After a little discussion, we imagined what X would be like as a fighter. The same friend that brought it up, decided it was a fine idea to google Samus x Mega Man and found a pic of Samus and X. It clicked for me and we started giggling like the idiots we are. Because Samus is like totally X’s type though. Girlboss, tall, blonde, can kick your ass and his in more ways than one, like what is there not to like? I haven’t looked into Samus’ love interests much because she’s still such a mystery, but my goodness she’s amazing. X would be head over heels for her, no way.

[sinfulduck]

Self therapy session with Duck

Me: I was just rejected and utterly humiliated online. I can’t move on from it and I’m paralyzed.

Duck: hey, rejection and humiliation are part of life. Many people experience it online. You should accept what happened and forgive yourself. That will help you move on.

Me: you’re right but how do I do that?

Duck: well what happened?

Me: I posted in a sub Reddit to voice my opinion. People did not receive it well, I was ridiculed and I felt so humiliated I deleted my account.

Duck: why did you post on there?

Me: I wanted some support I guess. I thought more people would share my opinion. I was dead wrong though and now I feel so hurt.

Duck: it’s human instinct to want to seek out community. I understand why you wanted to do that and there is no shame in wanting support. What we have to remember is that online communities are not always supportive. Can you think about the other perspective? About why they responded this way?

Me: yes… I was dramatic, I am dramatic. I mean… I’m talking to myself right now. I think I worded it wrong as well, I’m not sure my intentions were communicated clearly. I can understand why someone would react negatively, not everyone thinks the way I do. But I also don’t think they read the entire thing. That may also have been due to me wording it wrong. But really did have the best intentions.

Duck: do you think you can rectify the situation ? Can you talk to them ? Clarify your intentions ?

Me: no… it’s Reddit…. I mean I want to. In many ways the response confirmed everything I said. I had a parasocial relationship with these people and they didn’t actually care about me, the community as well I don’t know them personally. In many ways, they are right. But no, I can’t try to rectify things. Reddit is scary.

Duck: so you are feeling humiliated, what else ?

Me: hatred toward myself. I feel small, like I want to disappear and run away. I feel alone. I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself but now I’m flying solo I guess. And intense regret for doing that.

Duck: why do you regret it?

Me: well… I guess it’s becuase I wish i could’ve avoided these consequences. I don’t regret what I said. I stand by it. I will not support companies that do not denounce genocide.

Duck: so you wish you left quietly, not posted, just unfollowed them.

Me: yes and no. I do not believe in going peacefully into the light. I am kinda proud of myself for making a bit of a stink. I mean… I really pissed some people off. There were so many comments. I hope this starts a discussion, I hope the guys see what I wrote, I hope others will take a stand. But at the same time, I feel awful.

Duck: hey bro, you tried doing something really hard. Activism isn’t easy, despite what people may think. It involves being vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Yes you may not have done it perfectly, but be kind to yourself. You’ll get the hang of it eventually, and no matter how you word it not everyone is gonna agree with you. But that’s okay! Because you don’t need other people to validate your opinions.

Me: you’re right. I know you’re right. But I still feel terrible.

Duck: don’t deny your emotions, don’t try to intellectualize yourself out of it too. Yes, talking like this is better than just rotting away in your bed, but you should tell someone about how you’re feeling too. Talking will help you process your emotions.

Me: and if I have no one ?

Duck: treat yourself with some compassion broski. You def have people. You don’t have to do it right away. Take a few days if you have to. Shower, do your skin care, this will stop you from overthinking the situation. Go to the gym, practice mindfulness, and talk to me. Your imaginary duck therapist.

Me: you’re right. I think I will take a shower. But I can’t stop thinking about it.

Duck: hey, that’s okays how about we reframe the scenario? Maybe there’s a lesson here, you can take this experience and help you grow. Could you do that?

Me: yes, I can grow from this. I need to stop relying on others to validate my thoughts and feelings. I need to learn that shame does not define me, my mistakes do not define me…. And I need to not be so dramatic.

Duck: that’s great! But hey, being dramatic is not necessarily a bad thing. I think a lot of people like you because of your antics. It’s charming.

Me: okay we need to stop this before I just start ego stroking. Thanks duck!!

Duck: no problem, sexy ;)

[rickie-the-storyteller]

Yay! Thank you for tagging me, @palebdot!!😁

I kind of want to answer all the previous questions lol. If that’s ok. I’ll answer yours first, tho.

Which of your OCs would thrive if stranded on a deserted island? Who would have the worst time in the scenario?

Steph (Steph’s Crew) is a survivor, so I’m going to say her. She’s sort of known for thriving in difficult situations lol. Not sure who’d struggle the most tho…. Unless we’re allowed to mention multiple WIPs in one answer. Then it would be Mack (Five Seconds Flat), for sure. She thrives on routine and having everything she needs to be available. She doesn’t like being thrust into unexpected situations and she’d likely have the worst time if stranded on an island far away from her home and familiar surroundings. 😆

Gently tagging these people for my next question: @exquisitecrow, @mysticstarlightduck and @jay-avian!

My question to you is this: How would your main OC react if they found out they won the lottery? Can’t wait to see your response!

And now the other ones!

(More below)

Which of your OCs is most likely to punch somebody in the face?

See, I would say Steph, because she’s the one with the violent tendencies (I’ve not really gotten into that in depth, but it’s a whole thing in the story lol), but Dylan (also from Steph’s Crew) actually does punch someone in the face at one point. So… both?

Which of your OCs is smartest? (Booksmart, streetsmart, etc)

Either Elise (Steph’s Crew) or Mack, in terms of “book smart” - they are two of the brightest students in their classes. Street smart, though… probably Adam (Elise’s brother)? Or maybe even Bret (Steph’s Crew). He knows his way around and is familiar with a lot of people…

Which of your OCs are you likely to be friends with if you knew them in real life?

I’ve said this before, but Elise. I wrote her to be somewhat similar to me, so that’s probably why. We just have a lot of common interests (e.g. her obsession with books and her music taste), and we’d likely have a lot more to talk about because of that.

If a psychic entered your OC's mind, what would their mindscape look like?

Ooooh... interesting one. Lowkey wish I could actually make art rn, because I'd love to produce a visual representation of my OCs mindscapes lol. I can still answer this, though... only for a few of them, though. Let's get the really easy ones out of the way first. I think Elise's mindscape would look like a beautiful, giant, magical library. I don't think I need to explain that one lol. Bret's would either look like a record store, or it would look like a giant graffiti wall. And the record store could be nearby, so you can still hear the music lol. All his thoughts could like, manifest themselves as art on the wall... that's a fun idea... Dylan's could be a huge stadium or something, since he's the sporty one. Steph's could be like an empty movie theatre (I remember one of her chapters mentioning the fact that the way she recalls old memories feels almost cinematic, like she's watching the story of her life as a movie! Plus, she loves movies lol).

Which of your OCs would be able to beat you in a fight?

Um… all of them? I can’t fight to save my life lol. And most of my OCs are sort of meant to be tough... some of them even get into fights on a regular basis!

What's your OC's guilty pleasure?

Hmmm... not a main OC, but Dylan has an ironic enjoyment of the film "Shark Tale." He watches it sometimes with his younger brother, Sam (who actually likes that movie unironically lol. This is something I took from real life, as my sister and I are kind of like this as well. I may not like all the stuff she likes, but I'll always watch them with her <3)

Finally, a few pictures (related to the mindscape thing lol):

Guess which pics fit each OC!

(Nobody else needs to do as much as I did btw. I was just bored today lol)

OKAY!

WRITEBLRS if you're seeing this, you're legally obligated to reblog with an answer, and then a new question for the next person!

Here's the start:

Which of your OCs is most likely to punch somebody in the face?

[duckymcdoorknob]

I’m gonna try it. I’m gonna try it.

I’m gonna try to write something small.

A foot in the door is all this anon situation is. One toe at a time.

I’m happy I wrote this. It’s cute and it didn’t make me feel weird writing it.

𝕆𝕜𝕒𝕪 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕚𝕞𝕒𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕖...

Being childhood best friends with Yamaguchi. The two of you sharing every waking moment together. Your parents being longtime friends and introducing you to each other as young kids. Finally reaching high school and being thrilled to spend even more time together.

Telling each other about anything and everything. From grades, to crushes, to gossip. Never keeping any secrets from one another.

Entering class one day to be met by the class heartthrob bowing before you. His arms being outstretched to offer you a letter and a flower.

Taking it with burning cheeks, and visible confusion as eyes fall upon you. Hearing the cooing and giggles from your classmates.

The rest of the class going on as normal, as if no one had just witnessed what you had. Being unable to help but wonder… was it true?

Fingers toying with the folded half of the envelope, wanting to read it so desperately. However, ultimately waiting for the right moment to read it.

The day ending, walking to the spot where you and Yamaguchi usually meet to walk home together.

“So? Have you read it?” Him asking, suddenly holding onto the lightpost and spinning around to meet you with a smile.

“Not yet… I’m worried.” replying anxiously, hiding your face, “What if it’s a prank? I mean who would believe a guy like him would like someone like me?”

Yamaguchi looking at you with pure confusion as you talk on and on about your self doubts. “I mean how could he not like you?” Him finally barking in reply.

“What do you mean by that?” asking sheepishly.

“And hearing you say all of these things that are totally untrue.” him continuing, plucking the letter from your hand.

“Hey-“ whining as you attempt to

“No! You don’t get to read this until you learn to like yourself like he does!” Yamaguchi snapping back, “I don’t understand why you can’t see what a catch you are!”

Stopping dead in your tracks and blinking a few times. “What?”

The pinch server rambling absentmindedly as you listen dumbfounded, “I wish you could see yourself the way everyone else does, the way I do. You’ve got such a cute and dorky personality, and your eyes I could just drown in them! Your smile just about drags me to the floor every time I see it. And gods don’t get me started on how cute your laughter is. I just-“

“Tadashi-“

“And your kindness is unmatched. There isn’t a passing day when I don’t wish that I could be the one brave enough to finally tell you how long I’ve loved you!”

The two of you both gasping with wide eyes.

“Wait (Y/n) I-“

Not giving him any time to defend his words, or make an excuse. Promptly pulling him close and kissing him with years of bottled-up love.

And the letter? It could’ve quite possibly been a prank, but it was picked up in the wind, alongside the sakura blossoms.

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

[the-bau-quinjet]

One Misunderstanding

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You struggle to fix Bucky's first impression of you. Bucky struggles with his own feelings.

Warnings: angst, Hydra things- like brainwashing and torture, a few curse words, panic attacks, anxiety

Word count: 5609

a/n: this idea came to me very suddenly, but I'm in love with it. Hopefully whatever I just wrote does it justice.

Masterlist

"Everyone, meet Y/N. She's the newest member of our little group, bringing in a whole new level of hacking and tech skills. Y/N, meet the team." Tony introduced you to everyone, eager to share your skills.

You turned to the group, getting ready to introduce yourself further, but instead tripped. You shrieked as you fell down the small set of stairs you were at the top of.

Sam, being the closest, caught you. "Good thing you've got tech skills." He chuckled as you righted yourself, firmly planting your feet on the ground.

"Haha, yeah. I'm not a big fan of violence." You winced as you said it, wishing you could take it back. You didn't want to get into the reasons as to why you don't like violence.

To your surprise, nobody asked why. You would have guessed they would have questions, but maybe they weren't interested in your past. They all had their own issues to deal with afterall.

"Eh, we don't need anymore people for fighting anyway. Welcome to the team." Steve greeted you warmly, as you would have expected from America's golden boy.

You gratefully shook his hand, glad to not have to talk about anything yet. Unfortunately, you tripped again when you tried to move back, falling into the one and only Bucky Barnes.

His hands steadied you, dryly laughing at your clumsiness. "You really are clumsy."

You did you best to not show how embarrassed you were. You couldn't deny the claim. Unless you were fighting, something you vowed to yourself to never do again, you were clumsy.

Being abducted and tortured by Hydra may have made you a competent fighter, but your aptitude for tripping over nothing never left.

"Right, sorry!" You greeted everyone else quickly, eager to get situated in your room. "I'm just going to unpack everything." You waved as you backed out of the room, bumping into the wall as you left.

-

You had just finished putting away your stuff when you heard a knock on your door.

"Come in!" You figured someone would have questions for you.

Unsurprisingly, Natasha was the one to step into your room. Of everyone there, you expected her to have learned about your past. It comes with the territory of being a spy.

"Hi, I was hoping to talk to you." Her tone was friendly, but clearly she was skeptical of you. Again, you weren't surprised.

"I thought you might. I'm assuming you read my file? Honestly, I thought everyone would." You laughed gently, shaking your head at yourself.

"I did. Your file is pretty bare bones though. I did some extra digging... Not everyone else is as nosy as me." She grinned, already pleased with your openness. "So, why'd you pretend to be clumsy?"

"Oh, it wasn't pretend. I've always been clumsy. When everything happened, and I learned how to fight, I thought my newfound agility would help. Turns out, it didn't. The only times I'm even the slightest bit coordinated are when I'm fighting or training, but I wasn't lying about that either. When I escaped, I promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else."

"Why join the Avengers at all then?" She looked curious, still unsure if she could trust you.

"I wanted to help people. I just didn't want to use the skills they gave me to do it. So, I learned how to code, figured I could help behind the scenes."

She smiled, letting down her guard. Clearly it would take some time, but you could easily see the two of you being close friends.

"So, nobody knows about what you went through?" She couldn't help but be curious about your past.

"Nope. I don't talk about it much, but it's not a secret. I'll answer anything you want to know." You smiled, eager to try and make a real friend here.

You spent the next few hours answering every question Natasha could think of. You told her about being abducted and experimented on.

That lead to even more questions, basically boiling down to the fact that you're not a super soldier, but you do have enhanced senses- and seemingly enhanced clumsiness for when you're not using them.

You told her about learning how to fight, and the punishments you would endure if you got it wrong. The two of you bonded over the shared experience.

Finally, you told her about how you escaped. When the Winter Soldier escaped, every Hydra effort possible was made to find him. That included you. Resources were spread thin, trying to cover more areas. It was the perfect opportunity for you to get out.

"Really, I owe my freedom to him. Even if he doesn't know anything about me." You felt the tears in your eyes, too many emotions swirling through you to keep it all in anymore. "Since then, I've learned everything I could about technology and coding, which pretty much brings you up to date."

Before she could ask anymore questions, there was another knock on your door. Quickly wiping the tears from your eyes, you called another "come in!"

Steve poked his head in the door, cautiously looking between you and Nat.

"I've been sent to stop the interrogation." He grinned, stepping farther into the room.

Nat rose from her spot on the bed, kissing him on the cheek while rolling her eyes. "It wasn't an interrogation. We were bonding."

"Yeah, over what?" He chuckled, trying to figure out what the two of you had in common.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or maybe Nat just likes knowing more than everyone, but she smiled conspiratorially at you before responding. "Girl stuff, babe. Just girl stuff."

You smiled as the couple left the room, grateful for not having to explain everything again.

-

Over the next few weeks, the team constantly teased you for your clumsiness. Well, not the whole team. Nat knew the truth, so she never said anything. Peter never teased you either, although that is likely due to the teasing he endures as well.

Weirdly enough, you bonded with the kid over it, eventually telling him about your past as well.

Normally you could shake it off. They clearly didn't mean anything by it. Except Bucky.

Whenever he said anything, he stared you down. His eyes felt like they were piercing your soul. You're not sure exactly why, but he didn't seem to like you much.

Which wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have an embarrassing crush on the man.

Really your infatuation started when you first escaped Hydra. His own escape lead to your freedom, so you admired him. When you found out he was working with the Avengers to help people, you admired him even more.

Watching him on missions is really what caused the infatuation to blossom into a full blown crush.

You, however, would adamantly deny that if anyone ever asked. Which is what just happened.

"What?!" You nearly tripped, again, with how quickly you turned to look at Wanda and Nat.

"You heard me." Nat stared at you, a neutral expression on her face. "When are you going to do something about your crush on Barnes."

"I, I don't- I don't have a crush on Bucky." You stuttered, a lackluster job at denying the truth.

"Please, Y/N. It's so obvious!" Wanda joined in.

The three of you hung out a lot around the compound. It was nice to have a support system to lean on when things got hard.

"Well, even if I did, which I'm not saying I do! He doesn't like me. I don't know what I did, but his eyes feel like daggers whenever we're in the same room." You started out strong, but quickly morphed into a sad resignation. It genuinely upset you that Bucky didn't like you.

"I think I might know what that's about..." Wanda bit her lip, immediately feeling guilty at having said anything.

"What!?" You eagerly turned to her, needing answers. You shuffled your way across the room, never fully rising from your seat on the ground.

"I don't know if I should tell you! I'm not even supposed to know, but sometimes his thoughts are really loud!" Her guilt multiplied.

"You have to tell me now! Then I can fix it!" You were practically begging at her feet from your position on the floor.

She looked at Nat, who just shrugged in return. "Not my place, although I would love to hear it."

"Ugh, fine. But you can't tell anyone I told you!" Wanda glared at the two of you, unable to say no to your pouting face. "The first day we all met you, do you remember what you said?"

Your face scrunched as you tried to remember. "I'm not a big fan of violence?"

She nodded, looking at you as if she just told you everything.

"So?" You asked incredulously, unable to follow her train of thought.

She rolled her eyes, having to spell it out for you. "He kind of took that personally..."

Immediately, you sunk completely to the floor. "Oh, god. Fuck! That's not what I meant at all! I just meant I don't personally like using violence! Shit, shit, shit." You continued to mutter to yourself as Nat and Wanda shared a look.

"Why don't you like using violence?" Wanda asked, intrigued by your reaction.

You thought back to your conversation with Nat the first day you got here. You told her it wasn't a secret, it just wasn't something you brought up.

"Can you just look in my head? I don't really wanna explain it, but I want you to know." You asked, glad to share you past with another friend.

Wanda nodded, seemingly doing nothing until realization dawned on her.

"Oh shit." She whispered, not even realizing she said it out loud.

"Yeah." You huffed out a dry laugh.

"Y/N... I'm so sorry." You smiled at her, having worked through most of the trauma already. "You totally have a crush on Barnes though."

That earned a real laugh. "Hey, that's not what you were in there for!"

"It's not my fault! You were thinking it really loudly!"

The three of you laughed together until you sunk back into a pit of despair.

"What do I do? How do I fix this?" You whined, laying back on the ground like a child.

"I think you just need to talk to him. Explain what you meant." Wanda shrugged, unsure of any other advice to offer you.

"She's right. Just talk to him." Nat nodded along as you whined on the floor.

-

After a few days, you finally worked up enough courage to try and talk to Bucky. He had just finished training, so you knew exactly where he'd be: in the kitchen.

Walking in, you were glad to see him pulling ingredients from the fridge.

"Hey Bucky, can I, um, talk to you for a minute?" You stuttered through the words, nervous about what he would say.

He barely looked at you, nodding his head for you to continue.

"I just, I wanted to apologize." You trailed off when his head snapped up.

"For what?" Well shit. How are you supposed to explain this one without ratting out Wanda.

"Oh, well, um... I just thought maybe I said- I did something that upset you. Uh, you just don't seem to like me very much, which is totally cool, you don't have to like me if you don't want to. I just didn't want it to be my fault... Fuck." That went horribly. Taking a deep breath, you started over. "I didn't mean it."

Bucky is looking at you like you have three heads. "Didn't mean what?"

"That I don't like violence."

"So you do... like violence." He'd somehow grown more confused.

"Well, no." You paused, unsure of how to explain yourself.

"Then you did mean it." His soul piercing stare is back.

"I-"

"It's fine, save it. Some people get to choose not to be violent." And with that, he left the kitchen, abandoning his post workout smoothie.

You stared at the doorway, in shock over how poorly that went. You stood there , unaware of the 25 minutes that had passed, trying to figure out how it could've gone better when Steve found you.

"Y/N? What are you doing?"

You didn't hear him, too lost in the memories. Memories of Hydra, forcing you to do things you never wanted to. This happened from time to time if something triggered you into remembering, otherwise you had a handle on your emotions.

"Y/N?" Steve said your name again, concern evident in his voice. He gently laid a hand on your shoulder, trying to get your attention.

Everything happened so fast after that. The feeling of someone's hand on your shoulder caused you to panic. With all the memories of Hydra in your head, your training kicked in instinctually.

You grabbed Steve's arm, pulling him closer to you for better leverage. Before he could question your moves, you flipped him, pinning him to the ground.

The second you made eye contact, you realized what just happened. Horror and regret flashed in your eyes.

In an effort to get off him, you threw yourself backward, knocking into a cart full of pots and pans. The clanging of metal hitting the ground echoed through the small room.

Steve sat up slowly, trying to register the turn of events. You sat in a ball on the floor, tears pooling in your eyes, mumbling apologies over and over again.

Sam, having heard the commotion from the pots and pans, ran into the kitchen ready to fight.

"What- What happened?" He asked in confusion, lowering his arms from their defensive position.

"I don't know." Steve looked at you, still trying to figure it out.

"Y/N?" Sam's voice was gentle, but it still startled you.

You jumped from the ground, rushing to help Steve get up. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I never wanted to hurt anyone again." Your breathing was picking up, short bursts of air leaving your lungs. Your hands were shaking as you pulled him from the ground.

Your panic increased as you took in their concerned expressions.

"Hey, look at me." Steve's Captain voice, came out, urging you to make eye contact. You followed orders, breathing rapidly, your whole body shaking.

"I'm going to touch you now, is that okay?" His words were gentle, but commanding, causing you to nod in response.

He pulled you into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on your back.

You wanted to explain, to tell them what happened, but all that came out was a pitiful "Bucky".

"Do you want me to get Bucky?" Sam asked, trying to understand you.

The idea of Bucky coming back caused your panic to increase. You shook your head rapidly, "No! No no no no no." You kept repeating the word, shaking in Steve's arms.

"Okay! Okay, no Bucky." Sam reassured you, voice calm and soothing.

You’re not sure how long you stood like that. Sam moved around the kitchen, cleaning up the pots and pans you had knocked over.

When your breathing steadied, Steve asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

You nodded, leading the two men to the couch in the adjacent common area. You sat for a minute, unsure of where to start.

"Why don't you just lead us through it all?" Steve suggested, still rubbing your back.

You nodded, grateful for the starting point. "I went to the kitchen to apologize to Bucky."

"What for?" Sam interrupted, already confused.

"Sam! Just let her talk." Steve muttered, slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" He glared back at Steve before turning to you, "Sorry, please continue."

You couldn't help but laugh at their banter.

"Right, I wanted to apologize for what I said the first day I met you all. I realized how it sounded, so I wanted to try and fix it." You paused, waiting for the recognition to hit them.

It didn't take long. The two men nodded, silently urging you to continue.

"Honestly, Wanda told me that was why he always seems mad at me. You have to know, I never meant for it to come across that way! It's more of a personal, 'I don't want to be violent' than shunning others for doing what's necessary." You took a deep breath, not eager to relive the conversation.

"Anyway, I told him I didn't mean it. I just couldn't explain it right, and he got upset, which makes sense!" You turned to look between them, not wanting them to think you were insulting Bucky in any way. "I don't hold what he did against him. It wasn't his choice, and I completely understand that. I just couldn't put that into words when I was talking to him, and I made everything worse."

Tears popped into your eyes again, upset at what he must be going through. You weren't with Hydra for but a tenth of the time he was, and you didn't endure the same level of brainwashing.

"He said something about some people not being able to choose not to be violent, and then he left. I don't know how long I was standing in the kitchen replaying the conversation, but it brought up bad memories for me." You sighed again, working up the nerve to tell them everything.

"Wanda and Nat already know, but I guess it's your guys's turn. This was so much easier to just have Wanda read my mind." You laughed at your own joke, the two men sharing a concerned look.

"I was taken... by Hydra. They experimented on me, gave me enhanced senses, trained me to fight, and punished me when I did something wrong." Again, tears sprung into your eyes, occasionally falling down your cheeks.

"Why wasn't this in your file?" Steve questioned, more to himself than you.

"I haven't got a clue. I guess nobody knew about me? But, I escaped. They didn't brainwash me like they did Bucky, because I don't have the serum. Or, at least, I think that's why." You shook your head, refocusing on the important parts.

"When every available Hydra agent was tasked with searching for the Winter Soldier, I took it as on opportunity. Their resources were spread thin. I was able to getaway."

You went onto explain your reasoning for joining the Avengers as a tech specialist, trying to convey the same earnestness you did with Nat.

"You can ask Nat or Wanda too. Nat found out day one, Wanda a few days ago." You wiped your tears, hoping they believed you. "Actually, Peter knows too."

"I was stuck in all those memories when you came into the kitchen. I didn't even register that you were in the room, so when you touched me I freaked out. I never meant to hurt you!"

You looked at Steve fearful that he would be upset.

"Y/N, I believe you." You cried tears of relief at his statement, genuinely exhausted from the day. "It's not your fault, and you didn't hurt me. Just caught me off guard. You're surprisingly agile when you want to be." He tried to lighten the mood, glad to hear you laugh.

"Well, I train in the middle of the night sometimes. I- I want to be able to get out if I'm ever forced back there." Your voice was quiet, admitting a secret you hadn't even told Nat.

"We won't let that happen." The sternness of Sam's voice surprised you.

"Thank you." You wiped your tears a final time, looking between the two men. "Now, what do I do about Bucky?" You refocused your energy on fixing your relationship with the super soldier.

"He never would have said what he said if he had known." Steve started the conversation, defending his friend.

"I know. I don't hold it against him, I just wish I could explain. I get so nervous when he looks at me like that." You rambled, too tired to filter your thoughts.

"Like what?" Sam asked, eager for more information to tease Bucky with.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. Like he can see into my soul." You deadpanned, earning a laugh from both men. "I just want him to like me." You nearly whined, upset by your poor relationship.

"Like you, huh?" Steve grinned. Nat and Wanda chose that exact moment to walk into the room, eagerly joining the conversation.

"Barnes? Did you tell him how you feel?" Wanda squealed with excitement.

You buried your head in your hands, avoiding the knowing looks the four of them were surely sharing. "Not exactly." You gestured to your head, hoping Wanda would figure it out and share with Nat.

"Ooh... It didn't go well, basically Barnes got upset, Y/N flipped Steve and had a panic attack, then told these two everything." Wanda explained to Nat quickly, trying not to make you relive it.

"We need a plan." Nat declared.

"No, I just need to learn how to have a conversation with the man." You rolled your eyes at yourself. "I'll try talking to him again." You went to leave the room, turning around to glare at them. "And none of you can say a word of this to Bucky."

-

Despite you request, Steve still tried to talk to Bucky.

"What's up with you?" Steve questioned, trying to subtly pry into Bucky's thoughts.

"Nothing. Why?" Bucky answered in a questioning tone, trying to figure out Steve's motives.

"I heard you talked to Y/N is all. How'd it go?" He gave up on the subtle approach pretty quickly, knowing Bucky wouldn't answer a question that wasn't asked.

"How did you even hear that, punk?" Bucky deflected.

"Not the point. Answer the question."

"Not great. I messed it up." Bucky sighed, annoyed at himself for barging out of the room. "She said wanted to apologize, that she didn't mean what she said." He ran his hands through his hair, struggling to explain where it all went wrong.

"Would've been fine if I could follow what she was saying. She was rambling about me not liking her, which you and I both know isn't true. Ugh, i've never been mad at her. I'm mad at myself! At Hydra for making me a monster! How could she ever like me if she doesn't like violence? My entire past is violent." He huffed, having worked himself up again.

"You're not a monster, Buck." Steve started gently.

"I know you think that." Steve gave him a pointed glare. "I know, okay? But what does she think?"

"Maybe you should try talking to her. You might be surprised by what you learn." Steve clapped him on the shoulder, trying to reassure him, before leaving the room.

-

Everytime you tried to talk to Bucky, something got in the way. The first time, he was called in for an emergency mission before you even got the word hello out.

The second time, Tony walked into the common area, completely oblivious to the tension, and put on a movie.

The third time, Steve and Nat interrupted you. You were just about to apologize again after an awkward greeting when the elevator doors opened. The sounds of the cheerful laughter and stolen kisses didn't really set the mood for confessing your past with Hydra.

The fourth, and final time, was the most embarrassing.

You walked into the room on a mission. You were going to talk to him, no matter who decided to walk in.

"Bucky, I really need to-" and you tripped on a toy Morgan left out, causing you to tumble to the ground. That would have been embarrassing enough, but there's more.

In your effort to get up, you tripped again, hitting your head on the coffee table, causing you to bleed profusely.

"Shit." You cursed yourself, holding your hand up to your bleeding forehead.

"Are you okay?" Bucky rushed to you from the other side of the table, concerned with the amount of blood spewing from your head.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Unfortunately, you chose that moment to jokingly reference your past.

Some of the people who tortured you had a sick sense of humor. Whenever they would hit you hard enough to make you bleed, they said something about only having one head. A play on words because of the greek serpent with multiple heads.

"Head wounds bleed a lot, I'm lucky I only have one." You froze instantly, unsure if he would have had a similar experience. Slowly, you looked up in an effort to make eye contact.

Bucky was also frozen in place. Clearly he understood the reference.

"Wh- where did you hear that?" Bucky struggled with his sentence, trying not to flashback to his time at Hydra.

"Oh my god. I'm so so sorry." You instantly started apologizing, trying to backtrack. "I really need to learn when to stop fucking talking." You said more to yourself than him.

"Where did you hear it?" He asked again, putting more power behind his words.

"Um, well, i've been trying to tell you for weeks now, but um, I also kind of, have, um, well, you see-"

"Just spit it out." There was the slightly miffed Bucky you were used to.

"I was taken. By Hydra. 9 years ago. Um, they forced me to learn how to fight. Tortured me if I did anything wrong. Forced me to do things..." You trailed off, realizing you didn't need to give him many details. He has first hand experience.

"Y/N, I-" You cut him off before he could say anything else.

"That's why I don't like using violence. I only know how to do that stuff because they made me learn it. I didn't want to use the skills they gave me." You took a deep, grounding breath.

"I don't blame you for anything you were forced to do. It wasn't your choice. You're not a violent person, and your past actions don't define who you are. You're here to help people. That's what you chose. That's who you are."

You made eye contact before you continued. "I've actually wanted to thank you for the longest time."

"For what?" He was incredulous, wildly caught off guard by everything you've said.

"The only reason I had an opportunity to escape was because 2 years ago, you escaped. If Hydra's resources hadn't been spread so thin trying to find you, I probably would've never got out. So thank you. For being strong enough to fight back."

You smiled at him, still unsure of how he was feeling.

"I... I'm so sorry." To say you were stunned was an understatement. What the hell could he have to be sorry about? Sure he was a little rude, but from your point of view he was completely justified in hating you.

"Bucky, you have no reason to be sorry. You didn't know, and I couldn't get out of my head enough to tell you. You just make me nervous." You clapped a hand over your mouth, shocked at having said what you just said.

You could see his face fall ever so slightly, causing you to jump back into your explanation.

"Not because I'm scared of you or anything! Hell, I could probably take you in a fight." You winked, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, judging by the slight smirk on his face.

"I just, I've looked up to you for so long. Your determination to do good after everything you've been through is really inspiring. It's actually why I wanted to join the Avengers in the first place. I never would have-" You would have kept rambling if he hadn't stopped you.

"Y/N, I am sorry, and I do have reason to be. There's no excuse for what I said to you in the kitchen that day. Even if I didn't know, I threw everything you've been through back in your face. If someone had done that to me, I probably would have had a panic attack." He tried joking, but by the way you froze he could tell he struck a nerve.

"You had a panic attack? I'm so sorry! God, I just left you all alone and-"

It was your turn to cut him off. "Actually, I was kind of frozen in place until Steve touched me and I maybe threw him to the ground... Then I had a panic attack..." You smiled, trying to convey the joke. "So, I wasn't alone. Sam was actually also there. If anything, it made me better friends with both of them because I told them everything. So I have you to thank for that to." You playfully nudged his side.

He ran his hands through his hair, then down his face, clearly trying to deal with his own guilt.

"Hey, don't beat yourself up about it. You didn't know. It happened. We're good now, so we can move on." You smiled, trying to cheer him up.

"How are you so relaxed about all of this? You were tortured for years... I..." He was genuinely curious, trying to find a way to cope with his own pain.

"Well, even before that I always thought therapy could be helpful for me, so I really jumped in full force when I was free. Plus, if you can't joke about something, you haven't really moved on. Some days are harder than others, but I just try to appreciate the people I have now and the good experiences I've been lead to." You kept the tone light, trying not to get too emotional.

He just stared at you for a few minutes, making you questions everything.

"I mean, it's totally different for you though! I was only there for 7 years, you were forced into all that for like 10 times as long. I didn't mean to belittle-"

"I think you inspire me just as much as you say I've inspired you." He cut you off again, a small smile growing on your lips.

"Well, in the spirit of our newfound friendship, can I be totally honest?" You bit your lip, nervous about telling him the truth.

He looked nervous as well, but nodded anyway.

"I kind of, maybe, sort of have a crush on you." You watched his expression carefully, although there was really no need. His face easily gave away his surprise.

"You..." He stuttered, moving his fingers between the two of you. "Me? But, I was so mean!"

"What can I say, I saw through the facade... Well, really Wanda accidentally read your mind and told me why you were so upset around me when her and Nat teamed up to get me to tell you how I feel." You rambled again, realization dawning that you accidentally outed Wanda.

"But you can't tell her I told you that! She didn't mean to! She just said you think really loud sometimes and it's hard not to hear it! She did it to me too actually, I mean I told her she could look in my head so I wouldn't have to explain everything again, I know so lazy, and that's how she confirmed my crush on you." You said it all with wide eyes at a rapid speed, unable to control yourself around Bucky.

You slapped your hands over your mouth, forcing yourself to stop talking. Bucky looked on in amusement, slowly reaching to pull your hands away from your face.

"I won't tell her, if you get dinner with me tonight." He smiled cheekily, relishing in your blush.

"That's a deal I'm willing to make." You reached your arms around his neck, kissing his cheek before running to get ready.

***

Bonus:

Sam whined playfully as he looked at the high scores. "Whose username is 'God is a spoon' and how did they get so good at this game?"

He looked around the room, eying any suspicious candidates. Everyone denied it, throwing out accusations left and right.

It was another of Tony's team bonding nights and he chose VR games on the oculus. Obviously, Beat Saber was a top contender amongst the group.

You walked in with Bucky, unaware of the conversation going on, but immediately joining it.

"Peter! I bet it was him!" You playfully nudged the younger Avenger, having formed a close friendship in the early days. "What am I betting on?" Everyone laughed, happy to see you in a good mood after being so stressed for so long.

"Whose username is 'God is a spoon'." Sam chuckled after filling you in. You and Bucky settled on the couch, cuddling next to each other.

"Oh, that's me. Why?" You looked around curiously, trying to figure out what they wanted. "Is it a weird username? It was actually one of the catchphrase things in Just Dance on the switch, I didn't just think of it." You tried to justify yourself, causing more laughter.

"You?! How did you get all the highscores on this game? I thought you were the clumsy one."

You made an exaggerated face to show how offended you were, playfully swatting at Sam.

"I'll have you know, 7 years of Hydra 'training' and experimentation has its perks." You joked with the room. "One of them being I can beat your ass at pretty much any video game."

"Oh, you're so on." Sam smiled, glad he could joke around with you about it.

Meanwhile, Tony looked incredulously around the room, being the only one in the room who hadn't heard about your history, he was rightfully confused.

"I'm sorry, 7 years of WHAT?"